By Philip Mauro, Attorney-at-Law, New York City.
I came to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ on May 24th, 1903, being then in my forty-fifth year. I did not at that time fully understand what had happened to me, and only learned subsequently, through the study of the Scriptures, that, by the grace of God through faith in His Son Jesus Christ, I had been quickened (Eph. 2:5), and had passed from death unto life (John 5:24).
FORMAL PROFESSION NOT AN ANCHOR FOR THE SOUL
For many years previous to that time I had been drifting steadily away from even a formal profession of Christ. There was no aspiration in my soul beyond the gratification of self; and all the exertion which I was putting forth had for its sole object the acquisition and accumulation of means for ministering to that gratification through life. I do not except from this category the consideration bestowed upon my family (who would doubtless give me a good character as an indulgent husband and father), for I count these as within the definition of “self.”
The things which I valued, such as reputation, the good opinion of men, success in business enterprises and the like, engrossed my time and thought, and beyond these, which were all of a temporal nature, there was no object in view. I can now clearly see that I had unconsciously made money a god to trust in and to bestow my affections upon, and can therefore comprehend the statement of Scripture that covetousness is idolatry.
Whether or not there was an existence beyond the grave was a matter about which I had speculated much but had dismissed it from my thought. Having become a thoroughgoing rationalist (and being no more irrational than the generality of those who assume that self-flattering title) I took the ground that it was possible to believe only what could be made evident to the physical senses, and having rejected the witness of God, and so made Him a liar (1 John 5:9, 10), and having disregarded “the evidence of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1), I was perishing for lack of knowledge while passing, in my own estimation and that of others, as a “very well-informed man.”
I had become a church-member and communicant at the age of sixteen; had been for many years thereafter quite a regular attendant on church services, and had heard innumerable sermons; yet I was as ignorant as any Hottentot concerning God’s one and only way of salvation. Such is the wretched condition of millions of excellent people in this “Christian” land and in this “enlightened” century. The Gospel is hid from them because “the god of this age” hath blinded their minds “lest the light of the glorious Gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them” (2 Cor. 4:4).
WORLDLY PROSPERITY UNSATISFYING
“Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again” (John 4:13). Let me add briefly, as touching my material circumstances, that in the practice of my chosen profession (law) I was sufficiently successful to gratify my own ambition and to excite the envy of others; that I was blessed with excellent physical health; and that my domestic relations were all that could be desired. Nothing seemed to be lacking that could insure or contribute to happiness and contentment.
But peace of mind and rest of conscience are not to be found in what the world calls “easy circumstances.” Not-withstanding that I had apparently every reason to be well satisfied with my lot, and every opportunity to enjoy the good things of this world, my mental condition was anything but satisfactory. It is hard to picture the state of a mind subject to increasingly frequent and protracted spells of depression, for which there seemed to be no reason or explanation. Certainly I was thoroughly discontented, desperately unhappy, and becoming more and more an easy prey to gloomy thoughts and vague, undefinable apprehensions. No longer could I find mental satisfaction and diversion in the places and things which once supplied them. My gratifications had been largely of an intellectual order, and my mind had been much occupied in efforts to pierce the veil of the material universe, and to discover what, if anything, lay concealed behind it. This quest had carried me into the domains of science, philosophy, occultism, theosophy, etc., etc. All this pursuit had yielded nothing more reliable than conjecture, and had left the inquirer after the truth wearied, baffled and intellectually starved. Life had no meaning, advantage, purpose or justification; and the powers of the much-vaunted human intellect seemed unequal to the solution of the simplest mysteries. The prospect before me was unspeakably dark and forbidding.