WHen the cold Fit first seiz’d me, me-thought it was rather melted Snow than Blood that Circulated in my Veins, where it mov’d so Inordinately, and maintain’d the vital Flame so Penuriously, that the greatest Sign which was left to distinguish this Cold from that of Death, was, its making me shake strong enough to shake the Bed I lay on. I call’d for more and more Cloaths, only because I needed them, not because I found any relief by them: I fancy’d the torrid Zone to be of a far more desirable Constitution than that we call the Temperate; and as little as I am wont to reverence vulgar Chymists, I then envy’d their Laborants, whose imployment requires them to attend the Fire: But when the Cold Fit was once over, it was quickly succeeded by a Hot one, which after a while I thought more troublesome than it. I threw off the Cloaths much faster than my former importunity had procur’d them to be laid on me; and I, that could a little before scarce feel all that had been heap’d on me, could not now support a single Sheet, but thought its weight oppress’d me.
I envied the Inhabitants of Norway, and Iceland, far more than those that dwell either in the richest Province of East-India, or of the Golden Coast it self: And of all Creatures, not Rational, I thought the Fishes the happiest, since they Live in a cool Stream, and, when they please, may Drink as much as they List.
If then (Sophronia) the self-same Person may, within less than two hours, have such different apprehensions of his own Condition, as now to complain of that as a sad Grievance, which but an hour before he wish’d for as a Relief; we may well acknowledge, that we frequently mistake in estimating the Hardships and Afflictions we complain of, and find them not so uneasie as we make them, whilst we not only endure the whole Affliction that troubles us, but often increase it, by repining at the envied Condition of others.
An afflicted Man is very apt to fancy, that any kind of Sickness, that for the present troubles him, is far less supportable than if it were exchang’d for another Disease; and imagines his case to be so singular, that one cannot say to him in Saint Paul’s Language, No Temptation has befallen you, but that which is common to Men, 1 Cor. 10. 13. He presumes, that he could far more easily support his Crosses, if instead of his present Disease, he had this or that other, though, if the Exchange were made, he would perchance wish for his first Sickness, if not be as much troubled at his own Folly, as with the Disease. He that is tormented with the Gout, is apt to envy any Sick man that is exempted from that Roaring pain, and able to VValk about; He that is swell’d with the Dropsie, fancies all Persons happy whose Diseases allow them Drink to quench their Thirst: And the Blind man envies both these, and thinks no Persons so miserable in this VVorld as those that cannot see the VVorld. Feavers burn us, Agues shatter us, Dropsies drown us, Phrensies unman us, the Gout tortures us, Convulsions wrack us, Epilepsies fell us, Collicks tear us; and in short, there is no considerable Disease that is not very troublesome in it self, how ever Religion may sanctifie and sweeten it: For as a Fortress, whose Defendants are not Treacherous, can scarce be taken otherwise than either by Famine, or Storm; so Life, for whose preservation Nature is so faithfully sollicitous, cannot be extinguish’d, unless either Chronical Diseases do Lingringly destroy, or some Acute do hastily snatch it away. And indeed, if a Disease prove Mortal, ‘tis no more than is to be expected, if it tire out the Patient with tedious Languishments, or else dispatch him with dismal Symptoms: Nor is it in point of Sickness only, that we are often more unhappy than we need, by Fancying our selves more unhappy than we should be, if we were allow’d to exchange that which now troubles us, for any thing which does not. But there are Evils, which, though exceeding contrary in appearance, and circumstances, do yet agree in being extremely troublesome; as the possest Wretch our Saviour cured in the Gospel, though he were sometimes cast into the Fire, and sometimes into the VVater, yet in both states was tormented by the same Divel, who in variety of Inflictions still express’d the same Malice. But we should make a righter Estimate of suffering, if we did but consider, that much uneasiness is annex’d to an Afflicted condition in general; and that therefore, which we are sensible of, may proceed rather from the general nature of Sicknesses, and Crosses, than from the particular Kind and Degree of ours. And indeed, if a Man were permitted to exchange his Disease with those of others, he would often find his granted wishes to bring him a variety of Mischiefs, rather than an Exemption from them; and many of those that we Envy, as thinking them far less Sufferers than our selves, do look with invidious Eyes on us, and do but dissemble their Grievances more handsomely than we, not find them more easie than ours. And that of Saint Peter may be more generally apply’d, than most Men think, where he exhorts to constancy, upon this consideration, That the same Sufferings are accomplish’d upon our Brethren in the World, 1 Pet. 5. 9. For ‘tis all one as to the Efficacy of this Lenity, whether our Afflictions be the same with those of others, in Kind, or not Superiour to them in Degree: And I doubt not, but we should support many of our Grievances as easily as those for which we wish them exchang’d, if the chief account upon which they trouble us, were not rather that they are the present ones, than the greatest.
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