THe last bitter Potion that I took, (Sophronia) was, I remember, sweetned with the hopes were given me with it, that it might prove the last I should need to take, and would procure me a setled and durable Health: But I find by sad Experience, That the benefit I deriv’d from it is nothing near so lasting as it was welcome; for I am now reduc’d to take Physick agen, and I fear must often do so, before I shall be able to dislodge this troublesome Ague that haunts me: For though the last Physick I took, wrought so well, that I hop’d it had brought away not only the ill Humours themselves, but the very sources of them; yet by the effect of what I took this Morning, I not only find there is as much to be purged away now as there was then, but, what is sadder, I can scarce hope this Physick will excuse me from the need of taking more again ere long: But though ‘tis a troublesome thing, and must be often repeated, yet ‘tis a salutary thing too, and cannot be more unpleasant than ‘tis usefull; and as Loathsome as it is, a Sickness were far worse. Thus when a relenting Sinner has endeavour’d to wash away his Sins with his Tears, he may possibly think himself so throughly wash’d in that abstersive Brine, (which yet owes its cleansing Virtue not to its own Nature, but to the Blood of Christ) that if he be a new Convert, and be entertain’d with those Ravishing delights wherewith God is often pleas’d to engage such returning Prodigals, (as the Kind Father welcom’d his Riotous Son with Feasting, and with Musick) that he is apt to fancy Repentance to be like Baptism, which, being receiv’d once for a Man’s whole Life, needs never be renewed. But though, during such transports, an unexperienc’d Convert may be apt to cast the Gauntlet to the VVorld, saying in his Spiritual prosperity, that he shall never be mov’d; yet, as our Saviour speaks, The Spirit indeed is willing, but the Flesh is weak; and too commonly our Resolutions flagg with our Joys, and those that a while before imagin’d they despis’d the World, find themselves Worsted, if not Captivated, by it; and find it far more difficult than they thought it, to Live in the Company of Sinners without being of their Number, and in so defil’d a World without being spotted by it.
And as the same David, who said in his Prosperity, he should never be mov’d, said in his Distress, he should one Day perish by the hand of Saul: So many of those, that whilst their Tears of Repentance, and of Joy, are not yet dry’d off their Eyes, are apt to defie and contemn all the Ghostly enemies, and difficulties, that oppose their present zealous Resolutions, will perhaps in a while after, when they meet with unexpected Impediments, and Foyls, change their confidence into despair, and think those very Enemies, whom they lately look’d on as Despicable, to be Insuperable: But as Physick, that does good for a time, ought not to be rejected, because it does good but for a time; nor should we reject the only sure means of our present Recovery, for fear of future Relapses; so, though we sadly find that Repentance must be repeated, and that after we have practis’d it often, we must have need of it agen; yet since ‘tis the only proper means to recover a Soul out of a state of Sin, which is worse than any Disease, and leads to the worst of Deaths, we must never suffer our selves to be so far Discouraged, as to forgo so necessary and so profitable a Duty, and must not more frequently Relapse into faults, than renew our Sorrow for them, and our Resolves against them: For Innocence indeed is far more desirable than Repentance, as Health is than Physick. But as Physick is more Eligible than the continuance of Sickness, so is Repentance more Eligible than continuing in the state of Sin: And as the Drinking ev’n of a bitter Potion is a less Evil than the heat, and thirst, and restlesness of an Ague; so to lament for Sin here, is a far less uneasie thing than to do it in a place where there is nothing but remediless VVailing, and Gnashing of Teeth. ‘Tis true, that our Souls are in this too like our Bodies, that our whole Lives are spent betwixt Purging away of naughty Humours, and accumulating them: And me-thinks I hear the Flesh still saying unto the Spirit, as Ruth did to Naomi, The Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but Death part thee and me, Ruth 1. 14. But although there are Defilements, which, though often wash’d off, will as often come again to blemish us;1 and though the Deeds of the2 Body, will scarce all of them perfectly be put to Death, but with the Body it self; yet next to an uninterrupted state of Health, frequent and early Recoveries are desirable: And though the shamefull necessity of needing to beg many pardons for the same fault, may justly make an ingenious Christian cry out with Saint Paul, O! Wretched Man that I am, who shall deliver me from the Body of this Death; yet the same sense of his own frailty, that puts this Exclamation into his Mouth, may comfort his Heart, by its being a pledge, that he shall one Day be able Exultingly to say with the same Apostle in another place, Thanks be to God which giveth us the Victory, through our Lord Jesus Christ, 1 Cor. 15. 57.
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