The Son to the Father.
[XLIX.] Schlobitten, 5th May, 1791.
MOST BELOVED AND BEST OF FATHERS,
On a day so important to all to whom you are dear, I cannot omit telling you that in the early morn already I am thinking of the day, and that I have many feelings in connection with it, although I may not be able to give expression to them. Above all I rejoice, and with all my heart thank God for the invaluable blessing of having so good, so affectionate, and so wise a father, and for having been allowed to keep him so long. I feel myself happy above so many others. I am conscious of how delightful it is to live among good people, and to see so much that is good around me; and I feel myself capable of being useful, and of increasing the well-being of others, not only in my present circle, but also, if God wills it, in some future sphere. I am also capable of enjoying great inward happiness, for my heart tells me that I sincerely love all that is good and noble, that I seek for truth, that I feel a deep interest in man’s higher nature, and that I know how to appreciate the excellent and lovely gifts with which the good God enriches this our earthly life; and, dearest father, next to God, whom have I to thank for all this as much as you? Though, even from my childhood, I may have been less about you than children generally are about their father, I am conscious that you always exercised a great influence over me; I feel that all the good that is in me I have mostly from you; I feel that I shall love you the more, that my gratitude to you will be the greater the more receptive I become for true happiness, and that is what makes me so happy to-day—for this sweet burden I am willing to bear, and the heavier it be, the more willing.
But, dearest father, it is so long since I heard from you. I hope that this imports no evil, and, indeed, I cannot to-day give room to any sad thoughts; it seems to me that God must have made this a happy day to you also. But I wonder where you are celebrating it? I hope and presume—because you generally manage this if you can—that you are spending the day with our dear Charlotte, who, perhaps, stands in need of such a recreation; and I hope, further, that she may have received my last letter, and that she may be reading it to you, and that in this way your thoughts are brought to revert frequently to him, who is indeed very happy, though far away from you and from so many others that are dear to him. Ah! Heaven grant that we may all once more be gathered together, all we children, and you and our mother, and our dear good uncle! The thought is so natural on this day, and so sweet; but, alas! its fulfilment is so far—far off! But we must not be ungrateful; and in wishing for the good that we have not, we must not forget that which we have.
[L.] 15th May.
A few days ago I was in Königsberg, but for a very short while; only just long enough to enable me to become acquainted with the localities, and to find myself face to face with one or two of the savants. I could not get so far as to pay my respects to the clergymen, but I spent half an hour with Mr. Kant and a few other professors. In consideration of its having been only half an hour, you will, I am sure, excuse my saying nothing more about them; for what more can one ascertain during so short an interval, but that the great men are or are not like the engravings or the busts he has seen of them, or whether the descriptions one has heard of them, or the image one has formed in one’s mind of them, be correct. Of the city, however, I saw a good deal. It is large and old; but of fine architectural features I only discovered very few. Had my foot not prevented me, I would have gone up into the tower of the old cathedral, to take a survey of the chaos.
One other person I met at Königsberg, whose acquaintance I had made at Schlobitten a few days previously, and who calls himself a friend of yours, and has requested me to give his kind regards to you. His name is B——, and he is at present tutor to a young Count Dönhoff, but was formerly in the family of General Götze, in Glatz. He is very well known in this place, and stands both in good and in evil repute. He is a Freemason, and at the same time one of the chiefs of a society, the members of which are generally denominated Gichtelians. In how far this name is due to them I cannot tell, and still less do I know what to think of Mr. B——; but I am very curious to learn whether he has ever been connected with the Brethren in Silesia, and this, dear father, you will, perhaps, be able to tell me. I should be glad to have something like a favourable prejudice to oppose to the evil opinion generally entertained of him, until I shall be able to judge more decidedly for myself. Count Wilhelm tells me that he has complained of the great coolness with which I met him, notwithstanding the important claim on my interest which he put forward. I am conscious, however, of not having treated him more coldly than I do all those whom I see for the first time; and I wish that some one would inform him that I never meet any one warmly at first sight.