[CL.] Berlin, 17th March, 1802.
I will begin with the most important, dear Lotte, for this will at once explain to you my long silence, which has arisen, partly, from my wish to await the decision, and, partly, from my being in too agitated a state to be able to write satisfactorily. The fact is, I have been offered an appointment in Stolpe, in Pomerania, and I have accepted it; and that you may at once know all that most interests you in the matter, I may as well tell you that I must be in Stolpe as early as the 1st of June, and that I shall therefore start hence as soon after Easter as possible, perhaps on Easter Monday, and if that cannot be, on the 23rd of April at the latest, in order to be able to pay you a hurried visit. Unfortunately, as you will perceive, we shall be very limited as to time, and it will not be possible for me to remain with you more than exactly eight days. Our journey to Fürstenstein I suppose, therefore, we shall be obliged to give up; but by the last post I gave Carl notice to arrange matters so that he might pay a visit to Gnadenfrei at the same time. The delightful project of travelling a whole year, previous to such a change as is now to take place in my position, has thus come to nought. To a certain extent it is a consolation to me, that my professional duties will not admit of my undertaking such a journey, as, even had it not been so, my finances would have opposed it more than ever. The congregation have urgently requested that the vacancy might be filled up without loss of time, as several young people are waiting to be confirmed, and the widow of the deceased court-preacher (a title which, unfortunately, I shall also be obliged to adopt, and have to pay twenty dollars for), who, in fact, has a right to the revenues of the whole year, has expressed herself willing to compensate me for whatever I may lose here, up to the close of the year; and I have not, therefore, even been able to raise any objections on account of outward circumstances. My worldly position will not be greatly improved by the change, as the income, including house and other advantages, does not amount to more than six hundred and thirty dollars, and there, as here, I shall not be able to get on without the help of other work. For this reason no one here, except my most intimate friends, is able to comprehend why I have taken this determination, and the less so as I shall lose much by the exchange, not only in regard to the comforts of life, but also in regard to my studies.
I look upon myself as having already left this place. During the four weeks from this till Easter, I shall be so overwhelmed with work, that I shall hardly know what to do, and the fortnight that I shall be here after my return must be devoted to packing and leave-taking. In my studies this journey makes a terrible break. I have already announced a book to appear in autumn, for which I require a number of old works which I could easily have at the library here, but which I shall certainly not be able to obtain in Stolpe, even if I had the necessary money, as such books are not always to be got at. I shall therefore be obliged to break my word, which is very disagreeable. It is equally disagreeable that I shall be obliged to run myself into debt. When I calculate the expenses connected with my appointment, with the journey and with my settling, I shall certainly require five hundred dollars, which I must right out borrow, and as yet I really do not know where. I do not either see how I can pay them off even in the next three years, however industrious I may be and however successful.
Another remarkable event that I must mention is, that with Sack I am again quite on the old footing. During our epistolary communications, it struck me that there were many points on which he did not like to express himself in writing, and in such a case I considered that I should not be giving away any of my dignity by making the first step. I therefore wrote to say that if there were anything on his mind that he could only communicate to me verbally, I begged that he would appoint an hour when I might call upon him; whereupon he immediately invited me to partake of a friendly supper with him as formerly. During my first visit I felt as if I had been long absent on a journey. In speaking to me about Stolpe, when we were alone, he said that about the matter which we had been discussing together we might perhaps have some conversation another time. He took me all about his house, which the king has built for him since the estrangement occurred between us, and his wife and the girls were also quite as usual. I have been there several times since.
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