But, say some Swearers, if I renounce this Vice, my Repentance will procure me a derision I shall be asham’d of.
Ans. Must then that Bashfulness which is both the Livery and Guard of Virtue, oppose our addresses to it? Like Ditches when the Draw-bridge is cut down; which tho their use be to secure the Fortress from Enemies, forbid access to them that once have salley’d, when they are meditating a Retreat. But yours is an excuse as receivable as the Whores, who pretended Bashfulness for their turning honest. I was much taken with an Italian Gentleman, who spying a Friend of his peep out his head from behind the door of a Bordello, to see if he might retire undiscover’d; Come forth, come forth, cries he, you need not be ashamed to leave that sluttish place; but you should have been asham’d to have entred it.
Have Innocence and Vice then so chang’d natures, that he that did not blush to commit sin, should blush to forsake it? And he that hath once fram’d mishapen Characters, be ashamed afterwards to write a Neater Hand? The blushes that do wait on our Repentance, proceed from an implicite confession it imports of some former faultiness; and so if it have been shameful to have committed a fault, how much more should we be ashamed to continue; and how little can it discredit us to forsake it? And truly, he that thinks a fault a just engagement to a relapse, lest his Conversion should make him laugh’d at, deserves the Censure men would pass upon that fool, who having slipt one foot into a Quagmire, should rather proceed to be entirely bogg’d, than by timely stepping back, to confess a mischance that may provoke mens laughter. I had much rather men should laugh at my retracting, than God frown upon my relapses; and care not so much who smiles at any action that makes my Conscience do so, (not by way of derision, but of applause.)
How contradicting are the desires of mortals! We are angry if we are not thought virtuous, and yet we are ashamed to appear so, and think it a just ground of quarrel, to be reported the contrary of what we blush to seem! Like Ladies, who tho they long to live till they grow old, fret to appear what they desire to be. The sinner that is overmuch concerned in bad mens opinions of good mens actions, does as it were swear Allegiance to the Devil, and let him bore his Ear (Exod. 21. 6) through with an Awl against the Door-Post, sealing an engagement to perpetual bondage; for (as the same men that crucified our Saviour, derided him) as long as the greatest part of men are wicked enough to injure Piety, there will be found men impudent enough to mock it.
For Sinners knowing that in the world’s esteem, the extent of a Deformity makes it vanish, and that the Generality of a Crime does so divest it of that name, that every body’s sins are thought no body’s, are by the cheapness of the expedient easily sway’d to intrust the protection of their Reputation rather to common Guilt than to a private Virtue; and to seek an innocence rather by adding to the number of the wicked, by their Calumnies and Derision, than by increasing the number of the godly by their Conversion. Thus being brib’d by their own interests to discredit such actions as they are tied to, and yet will not practice; ‘tis no wonder if by scoffingly condemning what closely condemns them (tho therein their Consciences give their Tongues the lye) they cunningly endeavour to father their faults, not upon their want of Piety, but store of Wit, and to make their slavery to their Passions pass for the superiority of their Judgments.
But sure he is very unfit to be Christ’s Soldier, that blushes to wear his Heavenly Leader’s Colours, and wants the Courage to disobey Example. He that will take the Canaan above by violence, must imitate the Conqueror of the Canaan below, who profest to the world, If it seem evil unto you to (Josh. 24. 15) serve the Lord, chuse you this day whom you will serve, whether the gods, &c. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Our Saviour (who for us endured the cross, despising the shame) apportions Felicity to the being reviled for his sake: And (Mat. 5. 11) congruously his Apostles being causlesly misused by the Chief-Priests, departed from the presence of1 the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to endure shame for his name. Derision for Virtue is a grievance as old as Job; who in his time complained, that the just (Job 12. 4) and upright man is laughed to scorn: And ‘twas even Christ’s own case; of whom one of the Evangelists in some place records, That they laughed him to scorn. But we may (Mat 9. 23) say of the Resolute Christian what the Wise-man says of his Maker, That he scorneth the scorners: And (Prov. 3. 34) surely, since God is said to laugh divers Transgressors of his Law to scorn, ‘tis not improbable that he will not fail to laugh them to scorn, that for his Glory scorn not to be laugh’d at: Especially, since such persons are deeply accessary to their own and Piety’s Disgrace, by a sneakingness which so implies a Guilt, that where it proceeds not from a fault, it is one: And themselves highly countenance the discountenancers of the Profession of Religion, by being asham’d to own it. Whereas the loss of the blind world’s applause should prove as little dissuasive in the point of Conversion, as its acquisition should be a motive. The man that dares be good without a President, looks like the noblest President of good: Tho to say truth, as Horses are not much priz’d, only for not refusing to set forth unless others lead the way, and for not leaving the track they once are in, because none but resty Horses are guilty of the contrary faults; so is not the Gallantry of contemning the opinions and smiles of sinners so meritorious as it is thought; since none but Children (and they too laugh’d at for it) will let themselves be frighted from what they love, by others making mouths and faces at it. Could singularity in goodness consist with the innocence of others, a Gallant Spirit would look upon that Solitude rather as a delight than a determent; since ‘tis not a greater Affliction to his Charity, than ‘tis a Complement to his Generosity, by assuring his Devotion of the highest extraction, and restraining the acts of it to the noblest ends.
He is the welcomest to Paradise who ventures tho alone, and comes unattended thither: I mean, who by so resolute a Bravery, as setting forward to Heaven, without staying for Company, gives so good Example, that he arrives there with much difficulty. To all this I must add, That when once ‘tis noted that the apprehension of being derided for retracting, is the sole obstacle that stands between your Reason and so important a change as your Conversion, they will justly esteem your parvanimity so great, that you deserve derision for so poorly fearing it; and so you will fall into that Contempt you would decline, by your very shunning of it. If then Laughter in this case cannot absolutely on both sides be avoided, sure it’s much better to endure that of Fools at your Repentance, than that of Wise Men at your Timerousness. Did not Martyrs, thorough Frowns, Infamy, and Torments, force themselves a Passage to the same Heaven you aim at, and will you with Smiles be frighted from your Happiness? I am asham’d on’t; and if you be not so of your self, Christ will be so of you: For, Whosoever (says our Saviour, who before Pontius Pilate (Mark 8. 33) witnessed a good confession) shall be ashamed of me and of my words, in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him also shall the son of man be ashamed when he cometh in the glory of his father, with the holy Angels. And truly, for my part, I had rather be laugh’d at by men on earth, than howl with the Devils in Hell.
← Plea 12 · Contents · A Digression →
Footnotes
-
Acts 5 41. ↩