[Nor need we be1 (as even the best New Converts often are) so scrupulous to own Repentance for fear of injuring Humility; since certainly if the latter be a Virtue, she cannot enjoin a Vice so heinous as Ingratitude, by forbidding us even such a Retribution as Acknowledgment; for sure ‘tis the least return we owe to God for his Gifts, to confess that we have received them. Who would not tax him of Unthankfulness, that being loaded with a Prince’s Presents, should disclaim them, for fear of confessing himself to be rich. Altho a Woman prais’d for her Complexion, be bound in Modesty to gainsay those Praises, yet if the Fire have given her a good Colour, ‘tis not thought Pride to refrain contradicting, because the Effect being natural to the Fire, and requiring no excellent Predispositions in the Object, to refer those ascriptions to their Cause, is held to justify the not rejecting them: So tho there be an eye of Vanity in the Publication of those Graces, whose near resemblance (or affinity) to Virtues merely Moral, leaves their Extraction dubious; yet true Repentance is a Grace so purely foreign, that being acted in us by a Principle not native or acquired, but infus’d, to own the having received it, is not to boast our Merits, but acknowledge our Debts; the vanity being rather on the other side, who by pretending to disclaim so supernatural a Grace, imply that they esteem it to be their own Inheritance or Purchase. God’s Goodness being so free, that ‘tis the only Title to its self; and the motives of his Favours being taken from himself and not from us, his Blessings argue indeed the Bounty of the Benefactor, but infer not the Merit of the obliged; since the Spirit’s Irradiations into our Souls (like the Sun’s shining upon Shrubs and Hemlock) is due to the diffusiveness of his Goodness, not the attractiveness of ours. Moral Virtues may perhaps be resembled to Great Mens Cloaths, which supply those that see them, with some conjectures of the Quality of those that wear them: But inspired Graces (such as Repentance is) are like their Liveries, whose Gawdiness evinces not the Footman’s Deserts, but his Lord’s Splendidness; and in mens esteem entitles the Lacquey to nothing but a good Master. Those better Qualities Blood may convey, or Industry acquire, like Honours conferr’d by Princes, suppose the Party deserving; but Heavenly Donatives are like Alms, which ever presume need; and where they are more liberally bestow’d, stronglier conclude the greatness of the Party’s Wants than Merits.
Upon such Considerations, possibly, as these, the great Apostle (after a recital of his first unworthiness) scruples not to write of himself in such bold erms as these; By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace which (1 Cor. 15. 10) was bestowed on me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all, (meaning the College of the Holy Apostles) yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. (I might produce many resembling2 Passages of Scripture, had I not handled this Subject elsewhere.) But truly, since you are commanded in the Gospel to let (Mat. 5. 16) your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven; you ought to consider whether or no your expressing a serious dislike of others present, and your own former practice (in point of Swearing) do not either proclaim your Repentance, or infer you a Hypocrite. And if your Reason (as questionless it will) lead you to embrace the affirmative, believe you are then further to be put in mind, that not only the Confession of our Virtues is justifiable when it is necessary to your Justification, but (tho in all other cases our actions should commend us, not we our selves, Praise being a Debt which he that pays himself, acquits all others of) even the mention of our own Praises is allowable, when they are produc’d, not to extol, but barely to vindicate us, and finds a sufficient defence in its being necessary unto ours.
The owning of Repentance has so much of Penance in it, that there is not any Grace more indispos’d to a perversion into Vanity; for still Repentance (like the Pardon it endeavours to procure) does presuppose a Fault, having this particular unhappiness above other Virtues, that men cannot arrive at it but through Vice. And therefore in the return to the disinterestedness of action, Virtue (who can scarce more reward our love to her, than by imparting unto us a higher degree of it) commonly recompenceth so unselfish a Duty, by making it a powerful engagement to perseverance against Relapses; and any affront or loss sustain’d upon that score, turns to a Blessing, by producing in us towards Religion, the usual property of Sufferers for a Cause, more Zeal and Passion for the Party men have been Sufferers for. But admit you could not own Repentance, without being fancied vain, must the fear of others sins continue (those that are immediately) yours? Will you rather let others sin by imitation of your bad actions, than in their misconstruction of your good ones? And will you quench the Spirit, and refrain from being virtuous, lest men should think you know your self to be so? Especially since our Ignorance in good Performances, tho it criminate the act, degrades the Agent from the Title of Virtuous: Virtue being a habitude elective, and election pre-requiring knowledge. Which reason I might fortify, by asking to what end Preachers should light us so many Candles, and give us so many Touchstones to discover and examine Graces with, if our being conscious to our own Repentance were a fault that deserved it? Undoubtedly, that were (and that were strange) to make it our Duty to seek, what it were our Sin to find.
This last Reflection I must recruit, by adding, That since our improvement of, and thankfulness for Grace, will be expected proportionable to our stock of it, (as the Parable of the Talents, and our Saviour’s declaring, that where much is given, there also much will be required, evinces) we cannot without the knowledge of our Receits, know what our Returns must be (of Gratitude and Duty) to be answerable to them. The utmost that Modesty does exact of you, is the declining of those Praises your actions do deserve, not the refraining actions that deserve Praise, for fear of being suspected to affect it. But truly, Bashfulness, tho in Maids thought a Virtue, in Virtue is a fault; for sure it is one of the worst Complements you can put upon the Spirit, to lock him up in a dungeon, for shame to own his Visits.
The union betwixt Virtues is too strict, and their assistances so reciprocal, that That may be concluded to be no Virtue, that forbids the exercise of any, and does not rather facilitate than obstruct it. Certainly ‘tis better be accused of Vanity, than guilty of Relapses; and if some Reputation must be lost, ‘tis fitter that you should be dishonoured by other mens faults, than God by yours; for he is good enough to recompence his servants, not only for being good, but for their not being thought so for his sake; and to make one day their Dishonour (not only the Foil, but) the Purchase of their Glory. I have spent the more Ink to carry away this Obstruction, because I have observed it to be a Block, at which the best natur’d Novices in Piety are the most prone to stumble; the Devil, our subtle Antagonist, (more Serpent far than that he tempted our First Parents in, when he insinuated himself into our credulous Mother’s easy Faith; in which sly winding Creature, he elected not a fitter Instrument than Emblem) in the Scruple we have laboured to remove, leaving his own to assume the borrowed habit of an Angel of Light; in that Disguise to make Virtue clash with Grace, and pervert Modesty into an Obstacle of Reformation. Thus when Man was once fallen from Paradise, even Cherubims intercepted his return unto the Tree of Life.] (Gen. 3. 24)