And so much shall serve for explication of the Metaphor of softness, together with the opposites to it.

3. By the word bone, is meant that kind of hardness which is opposite to this softness, that is, surly, fierce, untractable passions or dispositions; or else such with whom, by reason of their place and distance, ‘tis difficult for a man to prevail, as is implied in the former part of the verse, By long forbearing is a Prince perswaded.

4. By breaking is meant perswading (as in the forecited clause) pacifying, convincing, appeasing, prevailing with. In brief, it signifies the subduing and taking away the proper effect of hardness, which is to resist and oppose any thing that it meets with. Now things that are hard are not usually broken, but by such bodies as are more hard than they; so that herein lyes the proper elegance of the Text, that the tongue, which is a fleshy, tender and weak part, should by the softness of it, be able to break that which is the hardest of all the rest, the bones; and yet so it is that a meek and gentle way of discourse is the most effectual means to overcome the fiercest passions, and most obdurate cruel dispositions. And that is the true sense of the words stript off their Metaphors; and ‘tis the Proposition I intend to prosecute.

There are several other Scriptures to this purpose, Prov. 15.1. A soft answer turns away wrath. By wrath is meant the height and intention of anger; a soft answer is prescribed as the best way to divert and appease it: Be ready always to give an answer with meekness and reverence, 1 Pet. 3.15. and then it follows in the next verse, That those who speak evil of you, and accuse you, may be ashamed. A calm and gentle way in vindicating our selves is the most effectual means to work confusion in such as would calumniate and reproach us. ‘Twas St. Pauls advised this, 2 Tim. 2.25. In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves, τοὺς ἀντιδιατιθεμένους, though they be such as set themselves against us. And his practice was accordingly. Euodias and Syntiche were two women in the Church of Philippi, who (it should seem) were at variance betwixt themselves, St. Paul might have made use of his Apostolical authority to have stated the difference, and to have rebuk’d the offending party; but he rather chuseth this more effectual way of entreaty; and perhaps they were both in fault: I beseech Euodias, and I beseech Syntiche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord, Phil. 4.2. But the great power and efficacy of this will better appear, by the several instances and examples to this purpose recorded in Scripture.

Gen. 32. we have a story of Esau’s meeting his brother Iacob; Esau was a rough man as well in his inward disposition, as his outward behaviour and way of living, and ‘tis probable by his bringing four hundred men with him, that he came with a purpose of being revenged, and killing his brother Iacob, according to his former resolution, Gen. 27.41. but those mild and humble expressions of Iacob in styling him Lord, and himself a Servant; that message he sent by the men who were to convey the droves, ver. 20. Behold thy servant Iacob is behind us, for he said I will appease him with a present, and afterwards I will see his face, peradventure he will accept of me. These speeches did so soften the rugged and inflexible disposition of Esau, that instead of taking revenge he offers his brother kindness.

Iudg. 8.1. when the men of Ephraim did enter into a high contest with Gideon, and did chide with him sharply, as the Text hath it, he did by his mild and gentle answer, allay their heat: Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer? then their anger was abated towards him, when he said that, v. 3.

1 Sam. 1. Old Eli, who was mild more than enough towards his wicked Sons, yet very severe in his censuring of Hannah, when he tells her she was drunk, v. 14. she might have replied that he wronged her, and that she was no more drunk than himself; but she rather chuses to answer, Not so my Lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit, I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord; count not thy handmaid for a daughter of Belial, ver. 15, 16. Upon this mild answer of hers, the old Prophet saw himself mistaken, and for his rebuking he now blesses her, Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition, v. 17.

What a kind of temper Saul was of, how full of passion and fierceness and cruelty doth appear by several instances; what an enmity he had against David, with what ardor and impatience he did desire his ruin, may likewise be evident from his secret underminings, and his open pursuit of him; and yet this harsh and cruel disposition of his, is strangely wrought upon by the mild and humble carriage of David. When he had cut off the skirt of his garment, 1 Sam. 24. and thereby testified his fidelity to him, in that he had refused an opportunity of hurting him, when it was in his power; styling him, My Lord and my Father, the Lords Anointed, the King of Israel, in comparison to whom himself was but as a dead dog, or a flea, v. 14. ‘Tis said this did immediately so melt and dissolve that stony heart of Saul, that he lift up his voice and wept, Animum sanguinis & caedis sitientem repente ad lamenta & ejulatus compulit, (Chrysost) saith one of the Fathers: Whereas before he thirsted for nothing so much as blood and slaughter, now he is so effectually wrought upon by this mildness as to break out into tears of kindness and pity. And now he returns him a gentle answer, Is it thy voice my son David, v. 16. Whom before he prosecuted as his chiefest enemy, now he acknowledges for a Son, and commits to him (as if he were his dearest friend) the care of his posterity. V. 21. Swear now therefore unto me, that thou wilt not cut off my seed after me, nor destroy my name out of my Fathers house.

1 Sam. 25. There is another pregnant example to this purpose. When David was in a great chafe and fury against Nabal, and in the heat of his passion had taken an Oath to kill all that belonged to him, v. 22. for that churlish and taunting answer returned by his Messengers; then doth Abigal by her soft and gentle speeches mollifie and allay this passion, she fell at his feet and said, Let thy handmaid I pray thee speak in thine audience. v. 24. She acknowledges the fault, that he had deserved better from Nabal; beseeches his pardon, and tells him, that it will hereafter be no grief or offence of heart unto my Lord, that thou hast not shed blood causeless, or avenged thy self. V. 31. By which she presently reduced him to a coolness and temper, made him gentle as a Lamb, who was before fierce as a Lyon. When our Saviour called the Caananitish Woman Dog:¹ We know how her humble and gentle answer prevailed with him, for the success of her petition.

And it may be pertinent to this purpose, though it be in a Parable, what we read Matth. 18.23. of a certain King who called his Servants to an account, and finding that one of them owed him ten thousand Talents, commanded him to be sold with his Wife and Children and all that he had, who thereupon fell down and worshipped him, saying, Lord have patience with we and I will pay thee all. Ye know the issue of this humble demeanour? ‘tis said, His Lord was moved with compassion towards him, and forgave him his debt, v. 27.

Thus much shall serve for Scripture Testimonies and examples to this purpose. I proceed to the further confirmation of this truth by two Reasons.

1. From the nature of these fierce passions, and this obduracy or hardness of temper, which are increased by opposition, and consequently must be abated by gentleness and yielding. The collision of two bodies that are hard, will be apt to strike fire betwixt them, which cannot be done when one of them is soft. Wrath is oftentimes compared to fire; now the way to extinguish fire is not by blowing it, or adding fewel to it, but rather by withdrawing that by which it is supplyed: And it was a wise saying of the Son of Sirach, Ecclesiasticus 8.3. He that striveth with a man of tongue, heaps wood upon his fire; and again chap. 28.12. If thou blow the spark it shall burn, if thou spit upon it, it shall be quenched, and both these come out of the mouth: i. e. such words may be spoken as may either inflame the anger of others, or extinguish it; and of what kind these must be, may be easily known by what I have been discoursing. I appeal to every mans experience; did you ever know any man convinced or converted by this wrathful boistrous way? doth it not rather alienate mens minds, and set them at a further distance? true indeed, it may be a means to fright some meaner timerous spirits to a seeming feigned compliance, to make them disguise their enmity, but it will never work them over to a hearty conviction, and make them true friends. With what reason can any man expect those counsels should be effectual, which are delivered in such a way as to argue a hatred and contempt of the persons whom we would perswade. Though a man be supposed to have the truth on his side, and should be able to urge very cogent and strong arguments for the proof of it; yet if they should be pressed with scorn and harshness and bitterness, the reason of them will not so much enforce, as the passion of them will weaken and disparage them: It will undoubtedly be the most effectual way to put hard arguments into soft words.

2. From the nature of Lenity and gentleness, whose property it is to insinuate it self into the hardest things. ‘Tis compared to Oyle, which will penetrate and supple more than any other liquor. He that goes about to convince and perswade another, if he doth so manage it that it may appear he intends kindness to the person whom he would prevail upon, that he hath a love for him, and doth heartily desire his welfare, his work is half done. That prophecy Psal. 45.4. Ride on prosperously because of the word of truth and meekness, doth refer to the Doctrine of the Gospel, and the Kingdom of Christ, which by the meekness of its professors, was first propagated and became triumphant, through the Heathen World. The true nature of things may be more clearly distinguished, when there are no mists or clouds stirred up by the heat of contention. Many differences might be half reconciled, if they were but mildly debated. It was not perhaps without some mystery, that Noahs dove brought an Olive branch in her mouth, to shew the mutual dependance betwixt these two, mildness and peace. ‘Tis the end of anger to bring men to a sense of their fault, or be revenged upon them for it; now a meek submission is one way of satisfying this end. Besides, that mild and gentle carriage will discover the weakness and deformity of rage and fierceness, and in that respect may be a means to break it in others.

This expression in the Text concerning the hardest things being broken by the softest, may perhaps contain in it an allusion to that ordinary experiment of breaking of Flint upon a Pillow, and a Sword upon a Feather-bed; when the concussion of a blow is more equally dispersed into all the parts of the body so as to operate upon the weakest. It is Hippocrates his counsel, that a Physician should alwayes be provided with μαλάγματα, Lenitives, gentle mollifying applications, as being of frequent use and great efficacy; and they are so no less to the minds and passions of men, than to their bodily diseases.

Before I come to the Application of this Point, there are these three Questions to be spoken unto for the clearer stating of it, How this Doctrine may consist with 1. Those Imprecations, 2. Those severe Increpations, 3. The duty of zeal and reproving.

Obj. 1. For the Imprecations and Curses. We have frequent example of these in Scripture, not only against sin in general, as those pronounced in Mount Ebal; but likewise against particular persons. They are frequent in the Psalms, and especially that 109. Psalm; and in the New Testament likewise, St. Peter to Simon Magus, Acts 8.20. Thy Money perish with thee. St. Paul to Elymas, Acts 13.10. and elsewhere to Alexander the Copper-smith. 2 Tim. 4.14. and he wishes they were cut off that trouble the Church. Gal. 5.12. Besides the many woes which are denounced by our Saviour himself against the Scribes and Pharisees. Now the Question is, How these examples may consist with this Doctrine concerning soft words?

Ans. To this several things may be said by way of Answer and Solution, which the time will not permit me to insist upon, I shall only mention these few.

1. Diverse of these Imprecations in Scripture, though they are pronounced optatively, yet are they to be understood declaratively, as being declarations of the true state and condition of such persons. They are Verba praedicentium, non vota imprecantium, as St. Austin speaks. The Hebrew Phrase in those places which are rendred as Imprecations, being as well capable of the Indicative future, as the Imperative Mood and sense.

2. Those who used these Imprecations, were such as were extraordinary Persons, endowed with the Spirit of discerning, whereby they were enabled to judge of the incurable state of those with whom they conversed. There are some that are cursed Children, as the Apostle speaks, 2 Pet. 2.14. κατάρας τέκνα, filii maledictionis, execrandi homines, and to such curses are reserved as their due portion: And therefore no wonder though such as had an extraordinary Spirit of discerning their true state do use imprecations against them, which yet can be no warrant for other persons to imitate. As none but the Magistrate may use the Sword for revenge, because of his publick station and calling, whereby he is authorized for it; so none but extraordinary Prophetical men should use these maledictions. If others shall presume upon it because of their example, they will justly fall under the rebuke of our Saviour, Luke 9.55. You know not what Spirit ye are of. The ordinary rule prescribed for mens practice, is that of Matth. 5.44. Rom. 12.14. Bless I say and curse not.

3. We are to consider the motive or affection, upon which such imprecations as we read of have proceeded; which were not carnal, or rash anger or desire of revenge in reference to any particular hurt or injury against themselves, the usual occasions of them in other men; but Spiritual and Divine, respecting the interest and cause of God and zeal for his glory. In our own cases we are taught to be patient and long suffering, praying for our persecutors.

4. The wishing of evil directly to any under the notion of evil, must needs be malice, and can never be lawful; Not but that ‘tis lawful to pray for such things as by way of consequence will necessarily imply a blasting and kind of malediction upon the attempts of others, which is no way inconsistent with the true happiness of their persons. The wishing of such kind of temporal evils, as tend to the preventing of greater evils, or else are to be inflicted by way of correction and vindicating of Divine Justice, are not opposite to the rules of Charity. ‘Tis lawful for us to wish conditionally some temporal evils upon our selves by way of correction and restraint from sin, that God would rather afflict us than suffer sin upon us; and consequently we may wish the same to others, the love of our selves being the rule and measure of our love to others. Of this nature was that petition Psal. 83.16. Fill their faces with shame O Lord, that they may seek thy name. This is not to pray against them but for them. We may likewise pray against the unjust actions and attempts of our enemies. Acts 4.29. And now O Lord! behold their threatnings, but not against their persons. Mr. Perkins speaking concerning this Question, in his Cases of Conscience, concludes it to be unlawful for a man to pray against the person of the Pope, though he should believe him to be the Antichrist, but only against his Antichristian state and regiment, whereby he sets himself against the Kingdom of Christ. As for the imprecations of David that are sometimes repeated out of the Psalms, they are by us to be used, either as the Historical part of Scripture, or else as being directed against the kingdom of sin in general, and the obdurate implacable enemies of God; or as being a kind of Prophecies, wherein the punishment and revenge of such is foretold.

Obj 2. 2. How may this Doctrine of mild and soft words consist with those severe Increpations in Scripture. Doth not our Saviour call the Pharisees, Serpents, and generation of vipers, Mat. 23.33? and Herod by the name of Fox, Luk. 13.32? Doth not the Apostle style some among the Philippians, doggs, Phil. 3.2? Beware of dogs; and the Galatians, Fools, 3.1?

Answ. To this it may be said, 1. That such Prophetical men as have an extraordinary spirit of discerning, whereby they are able to judg the true state of others, may use such hard words towards them, which it may not be lawful for others to imitate, as was said before concerning imprecations. 2. Those that are in a publick station or in such a superior relation to us, as doth authorize them to correct and punish us, may likewise chide and reprehend us with severity; but not such as are of a private condition, or have no superiority over us.

Obj 3. 3. How may this consist with the duties of zeal and reproving, which ought sometimes to be done with severity, Rebuke them sharply. He that saith, Be angry and sin not, doth seem to suppose that a man may sometimes sin in not being angry, when by his sinful silence and lenity, he either really doth, or else seems to consent unto, and be partaker with others in their offences?

Answ. To this it may be said, that ‘tis not the nature of these things to oppose, but to regulate one another. We read, Iam. 3.13. of meekness of wisdom, that is, such a wise mildness as will direct a man how to order his zeal and rebukes, both as to the degrees, objects, occasions and manner of expressing them. That’s a bottomless boundless charity and severity which extends alike to all persons and offences. Let the proper objects of these be duly distinguished, and these graces may very well consist together and be subservient to one another. When the matter we are to speak to, doth require any special indignation, it should appear to proceed from the zeal of a displeased friend, rather than the bitterness of a provoked enemy. It should seem to argue too much levity, for men to accustom themselves to an Ironical and jeering way of rebuking others; nor is it so sutable to that awful reverence which men should be affected with in the discharge of their Ministerial employments. And it will be too much rashness to check men in a passionate revengeful manner.

(Appl)For the Application of what hath been said, I would infer these few Corollaries.

1. If soft words be of such a prevailing efficacy upon men, above such as are wrathful and harsh, then soft and gentle Actions must be so too. Words being of no other force than as they denote our inward thoughts or outward actions. We read Hos. 11.4. of the bands of a man, and the cords of love; implying, that to such as have not put off the nature of Humanity, there can be no such powerful obligation as that of kindness.

2. The folly and sinfulness of hard speeches, to which may be reduced cursing, reviling, upbraiding, scoffing or taunting, brawling, masterliness, or imperiousness of speech, ostentation, scorning, churlishness and roughness, or any other the like dispositions, whereby others may be provoked to anger and offence; which will not become any man that pretends to Christianity in his ordinary converse, much less Ministers, and least of all in the discharge of this solemn duty. Nugae in ore sacerdotis sunt blasphemiae.

3. The lawfulnese and fitness of giving men the reverence and honour in respect of their proper Titles, just praise and other civil respects, belonging to their places and degrees. Against that melancholick generation of men, of late risen up amongst us, who place so much of their Religion in being unmannerly; than which nothing is more disagreeable to the light of nature, or to the precepts and practice of Scripture. The Apostle exhorts, Rom. 13.7. that we should render to all their due, fear to whom fear, and honour to whom honour is due. And 1 Pet. 2.17. We are enjoyned to honour all men, that is, to give every man that due esteem, both in our carriage and words, which according to the rules of justice or charity, may belong unto him in respect of his place or abilities, or condition. The compellations of Lord and Father are frequently used in the Old Testament, by way of civil respect to those in a superior condition. Paul and Silas did not give any check to the Iaylour, Act. 16.30. when he styled them Κύριοι, Sirs, Masters or Lords· St. Luke uses the Title of most excellent Theophilus, Luk. 1.3. When St. Paul was to speak publickly for himself before a Civil Judicature, he doth with all imaginable softness insinuate himself into the good liking of his Judges, by acknowledging his own happiness, in that he was to plead before a Person so learned and expert in all the Customs and Questions among the Iews as King Agrippa was, Act. 26. and afterwards when he was interrupted in his speech by Festus, by that rugged and reproachful passage, in telling him he was mad; He makes a soft and submissive answer to him, I am not mad most noble Festus.

As for that Objection, Mat. 23.8, 9. Call no man Father upon earth, neither be ye called Masters. This cannot refer to those Titles of respect, which concern Natural or Civil Relations, because these words were afterward frequently used by the Apostles in this sense; but they must refer to that signification of the words, wherein they were given to the leading men of the Pharisees, whose dictates and Traditions were to be received without any examination or dispute, as if they had a masterly or paternal power over the faith of men, and in this sense God only is our Father or Master.

3. For the Reprehension of such as are apt to be transported unto bitter and provoking words. This is very unmanly, as being against the rules of Morality, and very unchristian, against the precepts of the Gospel. Though others should begin with us by provoking language, yet ‘twill not be proper for us to return the like, this were to draw the saw of contention, which must needs make a very harsh ungrateful noise to any sober hearers. ‘Twere more noble to yield to our adversary in this kind, than to subdue him; whereas if you do not give place to him, you must give place to anger, and that is to give place to the Devil. That whereby men use to cover and excuse their infirmities in this kind,² is the pretence that it is the sins of others by which they are provoked to use so much sharpness to them; and against sin men ought to be zealously angry.

There are two Considerations I would suggest to such: 1. Have you any zeal against your own sins, do they fasten upon your thoughts with any displeasure and trouble proportionably to the injuries you suffer from men. To pretend that your zeal is against the sins of others, when you have little sense of your own must needs be hypocrisie. 2. If it be a sense of the sin and fault of others that you are so affected with, then you will be willing to use the most effectual way for the redressing of it, which is by such kind of reproofs as proceed from love, not anger or revenge, such as may convince not exasperate. Let it be supposed that the thing you contend for is truth, yet you must ἀληθεύειν ἐν ἀγάπῃ, follow the truth in love. If one man may be fierce and severe because he is in the right, why then another man that doth but think himself so, will be so too; and at this rate, what would become of peace and society amongst men?

4. I proceed to a word of Exhortation, to perswade us unto that kind of softness and lenity in our speeches, which is here commended.

5. From the sinfulness, danger, mischief of the contrary disposition in a threefold regard.

6. As to the effect of it. ‘Tis quite opposite to the other. As a soft tongue breaks the bone, so an hard tongue will be so far from breaking that which is hard, nay or so much as that which is soft, that it will rather render it more obdurate.³ Grievous words will stir up anger, even amongst men of gentle and peaceable dispositions. David was a man of a meek and humble spirit, and yet what transport of fury was he under upon the churlish answer of Nabal. And though at another time when his spirit was low and he was under great affliction, he did with another kind of temper endure the revilings of Shimei; yet that made an impression upon him afterwards; and his followers were under no little indignation upon it, as may appear by that speech of Abisha, Why should this dead dog curse my Lord the King, let me go over I pray thee, and take off his head, ver. 9. When the people were assembled at the Coronation of Rehoboam,⁴ professing their readiness to serve him, and beseeching him to make their yoke lighter, upon his answering of them roughly, you know what a mischievous consequence happened.

7. The Punishment belonging to it. There are many severe threats and judgments denounced in Scripture against hard speeches. Psal. 12.3. The Lord will cut off the tongue that speaketh proud things. Pride is the principle of this hardness, as humility is of softness, Mat. 5.22. Whosoever shall say to his brother, Racha, i. e. whosoever shall out of anger call him vain empty fellow, shall be in danger of the Council, or the punishment of stoning; whosoever shall use any more virulent opprobrious expressions, and call him fool, shall be in danger of the Vivicomburium, to be burnt alive, (i.e.) there shall hereafter at the last judgment be such a kind of gradation in the punishment of these sins, as there are for the most Capital offences among men. One of the principal things that men shall hereafter be condemned for, when the Lord cometh with ten thousand of his Saints to execute judgment, is their hard speeches, Iude 15.

8. ‘Tis an indication of a rough and unhewen spirit, not reduced from its natural ferity and savageness; not polished by education, not tamed and made gentle for civil converse. A Fool will upbraid churlishly, Ecclus. 18.18. ‘Tis for a Nabal to use hard words. All kind of cruelty is commonly an argument of cowardice. There is not usually a surer sign of an inveterate ill nature, than the habit of sharp provoking speeches. Witness the Son of Sirach, Ecclus. 23.15. The man that is accustomed to opprobrious words, will never be reformed all the days of his life. ‘Tis the work of a Shimei and a Rabshekah to revile, who upon that account are infamous to a Proverb. ‘Tis observable that in the distribution of the Tribes, betwixt mount Gerizim and mount Ebal, for the work of blessing and cursing; those Tribes for the most part were appointed to stand upon mount Ebal, who were the children of the bondwomen, less noble and generous than the rest, and so the fitter for this harsh and servile work.

9. There are other motives to this purpose, to be derived from the benefit and advantage of soft words, besides the efficacy and power of them.

10. They are of great Ornament; which should be a prevailing motive. Men usually put an high value upon, and take great pains for those abilities which will render their speech graceful and acceptable, to which nothing will contribute more than this. Upon which account the Scripture styles it by this name, that very Word which in one place is called kindness of the tongue, in another place is rendered goodliness,⁵ Isa. 40.6. All flesh is grass, and the goodliness, &c. implying that nothing is more comely and graceful than this.

11. Its suitableness to our profession, from the pattern set us by our Lord and Master. Meekness was the grace of his lips; when he was reviled, he reviled not again, when he suffered he threatned not, 1 Pet. 2.23. He was mild and gentle towards his betrayers, accusers, condemners, crucifiers, As a sheep before his shearer. And he hath prescribed our imitation of him in this, as the surest way to find rest for our souls, Mat. 11.29. ‘Tis for dogs and swine to bark and tear, and bite one another; Christians are, or should be, sheep and lambs.

In brief, ‘tis a qualification this, that is usually an indication of wisdom and greatness of mind, ‘tis profitable to humane society, acceptable to God, pleasing to men, advantageous to our quiet, honour, safety, and therefore upon all these accounts may justly challenge our care and study.

I have been forced to run over some of these things but slightly, for fear of being tedious. And Oh that what I have said might effectually prevail with men, to lay aside all that bitterness and wrath, and evil speaking, which persons of different perswasions have in all times, been prone to; that we might in this kind unanimously join our hearts, and tongues and pens, to promote the publick peace and prosperity both of Church and State. What kind of importunities and obsecrations should we not use towards one another for this end. But men can but speak to the ear, ‘tis God that must speak to the heart; let us beseech him, the God of all patience and comfort, that he would bestow upon us soft hearts, and soft tongues; that he would set a watch before our mouths, and keep the door of our lips; that upon the experience we have had, of the mischief of mutual exasperations, we may now every one of us apply our selves to the most effectual means for composing the spirits of men, and healing their differences, that laying aside all other provocations, we may make this our business, to consider one another, to provoke unto love and good works.

---

← Sermon 11 · Contents · Sermon 13 →

Footnotes

1. Matth. 15. ↩

2. Ephes. 4.26, 27. ↩

3. Prov. 15 1. ↩

4. 1 King. 12.4. ↩

5. Prov. 31.26. ↩