I Know that Physitians are wont after their Master Hypocrates, to tell us, That Feavers which intermit are devoid of Danger: But though an Ague, whilst it continues such, could not be a mortal Disease; yet why may it not degenerate into such a one? And for my part, who take the Prognosticks of Physitians to be but Guesses, not Prophesies, and know how backward they are to bid us fear, till our Condition leave them little hopes of us: I cannot but think that Patient very ill advis’d, who thinks it not time to entertain thoughts of Death, as long as his Doctor allows him any hopes of Life; for in case they should both be deceiv’d, ‘twould be much easier for the mistaken Physitian to save his Credit, than for the unprepar’d Sinner to save his Soul.
Wherefore, Sophronia, finding my Disease attended with unusual threatning Symptoms, not knowing where they would end, I last Night thought it fit to suppose they might end in Death: And two things especially made me the more ready for such an entertainment of my Thoughts.
One, That we can scarce be too carefull and diligent in fitting our selves for the Acting of a part well, that we can never Act but once; For where the Scripture tells us, It is appointed for all Men once to Dye; it is immediately subjoyn’d, That after that comes Judgment; and if we Dye ill once, we shall never be allow’d to Dye again, to see if we would Dye better the second time than we did the first: But as the Wise man Allegorically speaks, Where the Tree falls there shall it lye: So that the faults committed in this last and importantest of humane Actions, being irreparable, I think the only safe way is to imitate him, who, having said, If a Man Dye, shall he Live again? presently annex’d by way of Inference and Resolution: All the Days of my appointed Time will I wait till my Change come.
The other consideration that recommended to me the Thoughts of the Grave, was this, That we may be often sollicitous to provide against many Evils and Dangers that possibly may never reach us; and many endure from the Anxious fears of contingent Mischiefs that never will befall them, more Torment than the apprehended Mischiefs themselves, though really suffer’d, would inflict. But Death will sooner or later infallibly come, and never finally deceive our Expectations, and therefore the fore-thoughts of it are an imployment which may prove, we know not how soon, of use, and will (however) prove of excellent Advantage: The frequent Meditation of the end of our Lives, conducing so much to make us lead them well, that the expectation of Death brings not less Advantages to those that scape the Grave, than to those that descend into it.
Such like considerations (Sophronia) having put me upon the thoughts of Death, I presume you may have some Curiosity to know what these Thoughts were; and therefore, though I have neither Fitness, nor Inclination to mention to you those that almost every Sober person would have upon a Death-Bed, as a Man, and as a Christian, I will only take notice to you of those few that were suggested to me, by the less general Circumstances of my condition. And I am the more willing to satisfie you Curiosity now, because I have my self been very inquisitive on the like occasion: For the approach of Death will (if any thing can) make Men serious and considerate, being for good and all to go off the Stage; they make a truer and sincerer Judgment of the World they are ready to leave, and then have not the wonted Partiality for the pleasures and profits of a Life they are now abandoning. And as the Mind looks with other Eyes upon the World, when Death is ready to shut those of the Body; so Men are then wont as well to speak their Thoughts more franckly, as to have them better grounded. Death stripping most Men of their Dissimulation, as well as of other things it makes them part with; and indeed it is then high time for the Soul to put off her Disguises, when she is ready to put off the very Body it self.
One thing then that I was considering, (Sophronia) was, in how wretched a condition I should now be, if I had been of the same Mind with the generality of those, who are of the same Age with me: For these presume, That Youth is as well made for Pleasures, as capable of them, and is not more a Temptation to Vanity, than an Excuse for it. They imagine themselves to do a great Matter, if, whilst Youth lasts, they do so much as resolve to grow better when it is gone; and they think, That for a Man to be otherwise than Intentionally Religious before his Hair begin to change Colour, were not only to lose the priviledges of Youth, but to incroach upon those of old Age. But alas! How few are Destroy’d by that incurable Disease, in comparison to those that Dye before they attain it? And how little comfort is it upon a Death Bed, to think, that by the course of Nature, a Man might have Lived longer, when that very Thought might justly prove Dismal to an unprepar’d Man, by suggesting to him, that this early Death may argue the Measure of his Iniquities exceeding great, and that this untimely End is not so much a Debt due to Nature, as a Punishment of Sin. All the fruition of these deluding Pleasures of Sin, cannot countervail the Horrour that a Dying Man’s Review of them will create, who not only sees himself upon the point of leaving them for ever, but of suffering for them as long. And on the contrary, the Review of Youthfull pleasures declin’d for Virtue’s or Religion’s sake, will afford a Dying Man far higher Joys than their Fruition would ever have afforded him.
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