ANd one thing more there is, (Sophronia) that I dare not conceal from you, how much cause soever I have to blush at the disclosing it; And it is, That I judge quite otherwise of a competent preparation for Death now I am near it, than I did when I was in health. And therefore, if one, that, since his Conscience was first thorowly awakened, still resolv’d to be a Christian, and though he too often broke those good Resolutions, never renounc’d them, but tripp’d and stumbled in the way to Heaven, without quitting his purpose of continuing in it, finds a formidableness in the approach of Death: How uncomfortable must that approach be to those that have still run on in the ways of Sin, without once so much as seriously intending to forsake them? A Youth free from Scandal, and sometimes productive of Practices that were somewhat more than Negative piety, is not so frequent among those that want not opportunities to enjoy the Vanities and Pleasures of the World, but that the Charity of other being seconded by that great inward flatterer Self-love, made me imagine that I was in a Condition fitter to wish for Death, than to fear it. But now I come to look on Death near at hand, and see beyond the Grave, that is just under me, that bottomless Gulf of Eternity; me-thinks it is a very hard thing to be sufficiently prepar’d for a Change, that will transmit us to the Barr of an Omniscient Judge, to be there Doom’d to an endless state of infinite Happiness or Misery. There is no Art of Memory like a Death-Bed’s Review of ones Life; Sickness, and a nearer Prospect of Death, often makes a Man remember those Actions wherein Youth and Jollity made him forget his Duty; and those frivolous Arguments, which when he was in Health, and free from Danger, were able to excuse him to his own indulgent Thoughts, he himself will scarce now think Valid enough to excuse him unto God, before whom, if the sinless Angels cover their Faces, sinfull Mortals may justly tremble to be brought to appear. VVhen the approach of Death makes the Bodily eyes grow Dim, those of the Conscience are enabled to discern, That as to many of the Pleas we formerly acquiesc’d in, it was the prevalence of our Senses that made us think them Reason: And none of that Jolly company, whose examples prevail’d with us to joyn with them in a course of Vanity, will stand by us at the Barr to excuse the Actions they tempted us to: And if they were there, they would be so far from being able to justifie us, that they would be condemn’d themselves. ‘Tis true, (Sophronia) if we consider Death only as the conclusion of Life, and a Debt all Men sooner or later pay to Nature, not only a Christian, but a Man, may entertain it without Horrour: But if one consider it as a change, That after having left his Body to rot in the Grave, will bring his Soul to the Tribunal of God, to answer the miscarriages of his whole past Life, and receive there an unalterable Sentence that will Doom him to endless and unconceivable Joys, or everlasting and inexpressible Torments; I think ‘tis not inconsistent either with Piety or Courage, to look upon so great a change with something of Commotion: And many that would not fear to be put out of the VVorld, will apprehend to be let into Eternity.
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